


At Your Fingertips (I Stayed)

by Drabbleshy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Best Friends, Drabble, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, I hope you like it, I was feeling bad so I wrote a fic, Loneliness, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Sadness, way too early, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 16:10:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11672556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drabbleshy/pseuds/Drabbleshy
Summary: “Stay.” One word. That’s all he needed.





	At Your Fingertips (I Stayed)

Remus kept the windows open, despite the cold and wind that stole away into the room. The curtains were drawn shut, though the air sneaking in made it let the gentle sunlight in, too; it hadn't reached Remus and he was all the more grateful for it. He was satisfied, well, as much as he could be, that he was in partial darkness, alone: the other beds, the three of them, had been vacant, the current location of their regular occupiers trivial, at best. The boy, almost a man, had been baffled by his own feelings and fears. They were irrational and weird and goddamn stupid and, yet, he couldn't stray away. He couldn't force them away either, and he knew that they were getting more and more frequent. Loneliness: it had been that simple, stupid and straightforward, and it felt like a black hole in his chest the size of the Moon. His heart ached, he gulped, shivered, drowned out his cries and sobs into his tear (and now snot) stained pillow and failed.

 

Somebody else knew about these feelings; his knowledge had been lacking but he understood that one of his best friends had been suffering. His kind-hearted, smart, just fuckin' great friend was suffering. Sirius drew the line there. He pushed the door open gently, a mere crack, and murmured his friend's name. He phrased it as a question, asking for permission to enter, but instead of an answer, the other pulled his covers over his head. 

 

"Moony, please. What's wrong?" He moved inside, sitting on the man's bed, barely keeping his hands to himself. He pushed them between his own legs, interweaving his fingers, holding them there when all he wanted to do was run them over Remus' back, hold his hands in turn, wrap his hands and arms around the man, in a hug, in a hold. He didn't.

 

"P-Please, just... Go away," came the reply from beneath the blanket. He meant stay, come, touch, feel me, but he couldn't, wouldn't say it. Being rejected would hurt, Sirius had no reason to want him. Not when he was broken, useless. He was a werewolf, a scared one at that. People would shun them away, write them off as fools and as unwanted garbage two times over: once for their gender, once for all other things that Remus was.

 

"I can't do that, Moony. Please," he spoke gently. People thought that he was only good at speaking when it came to flirting and getting out of trouble, but it hadn't been true. "I'm here for you. You're my closest friend, Remus."

 

It hurt and it felt good at the same time; the way he called him a friend, the way his name sounded on Sirius' lips. He knew he'd never have him. A solemn silence followed and Remus slowly uncovered himself, covers down over his chest now. His eyes were puffy and his nose filled and his look... his look was broken. Desperate. "There's my lil' wolf," Sirius said with a grin. "As gross and sticky as the day I brought ya home." That made Remus smile and that made Sirius smile and turn crimson at ears, but the other hadn't noticed, but Sirius still panicked.

 

"It's nothing."

 

"Try again."

 

"It's... stupid."

 

"Nope. One more try."

 

Remus observed his smirk with a shy, yet happy smile of his own. He sighed, giving into the other’s desire. “Fine, fine. It’s just… I don’t know how to say it.” This was more stressful than he had hoped. He blinked in confusion at himself. He  _ hoped _ that Remus would find him. That he would console him, joke with him, smile at him. And he had. Now what? He wasn’t going to get kissed or cuddled and petted. It made no sense.

 

The other young man furrowed his lips in a mix of confusion and worry. “Words, perhaps?” he offered, trying to make the situation as positive as it could be. A moment of silence followed.

 

“I’m… lonely,” he admitted and though the Black hadn’t looked as if he understood it, he  _ truly, really _ had. “See, it’s stu--”

 

“Don’t you say that word again, Remus Lupin. It’s not…” He paused, searching for a synonym, giving the blonde-haired boy enough time to stare at the use of his last name. “Dumb. It happens to all of us. Well, most.  _ Well, some. _ My poin- quit laughing- my point is, I- I understand you.” His hand came to rest on the pillow, by the side of Remus’ head. The laying boy stared up, at his strong chin and his sparkly eyes and thought about how beautiful he was in this light, in this state. Don’t get him wrong, Sirius looked beautiful twenty-four seven, but right here, right now - wow. The way he released his shiny hair from its hold, the way it flowed down his shoulder and arm on only one side, it revealed his neck. He looked so soft now, it was new. He usually looked so sharp, from his cheekbones to his stare to his very build. Now, there were memories in his eyes, traces of sadness on lips, love and pain in the underline of his voice. This was the real him, Remus knew. “Look, you know that my family are… not the most loving people around. They’re, gods, they are…” He paused, thinking, running a hand through his hair, looking away.

 

“They are, I agree.”

 

“Right. Well,” he began. This was harder than it seemed. He actually never spoke to, to **anybody** about this. “I didn’t spend time with them, not _too much_. I was not alone but…”

 

“But you were lonely,” Remus finished.

 

Sirius’ nodded his head. “Yeah… I’ll leave you alone now.” He rose, when he felt a tug at his hand, soft fingers wrapping around his own.

 

“Stay.” One word. That’s all he needed.


End file.
